Hadley Grace Bowen: its not supposed to be like this

Haddie Grace's birth story really begins several weeks earlier than her actual delivery date.  You see for some unknown reason I was convinced that this baby was going to come early so I had been anticipating her labor and delivery since around 38 weeks.  The theme of this whole labor and delivery is "it's not supposed to be like this".  Not to put a damper on her birth story- I promise it happened exactly as the Lord had planned and for that reason it is good; the outcome was a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL (how could it not be good?), but it certainly didn't go according to my plan.

For starters my due date came and went and I was still pregnant: it's not supposed to be like this!  They started talking about induction, which I was very uncomfortable with.  I know I've mentioned this before, but I just really wanted things to progress naturally without any interventions.  After all, it worked for Phoebe, so why couldn't it happen again?

When I went into labor with Phoebe it was right after my doctor stripped my membranes and she was born a day before her due date.  So naturally stripping my membranes, should have put me into labor this time as well :)  My doctor had stripped my membranes twice, with no success.  (Obviously this baby wasn't ready to come yet.)  Sunday afternoon I was getting anxious, so I went over to a co-workers house and had her strip my membranes.  Well that finally got something started.  I had irregular contractions that evening and around 11:30pm Sunday evening I started contracting regularly- every 8 minutes.  They were uncomfortable, but not unbearable.  I thought something was probably starting.  I woke Chris up at some point later in the morning and we packed everything up in anticipation of heading to the hospital at some point and just hung out for awhile.  The problem was that the contractions weren't really getting any stronger or any closer together.  So we tried to go back to bed for a little while.  Of course I couldn't sleep, so I spent some time in the tub and they felt a lot better.  After that I was able to lay down and rest (not sleep) for an hour or two before it was time to get up Monday morning.  Monday morning I had a doctor's appointment so Chris and I dropped Phoebe off at Mom's Morning Out and headed to the doctor.  My contractions had started to feel stronger at this point, so I thought surely something had to be starting.  We had the bags in the car- just in case.  I had expected my second labor to be quicker than my first, but it wasn't: it's not supposed to be like this.

At around 11am at the doctor I was 4cm and completely effaced.  Contractions still not much closer together, but they were getting more uncomfortable.  She was very hesitant about me going home because she thought my labor could "take-off" and go very quickly at any point.  I was hesitant about going to the hospital, but she really wanted us to go ahead and get admitted.  Again I didn't want to go to the hospital until I was in active labor, but she promised I could just labor there in the tub on my own.  We went and got some lunch and walked around a walking path near the hospital for a little bit and went to check-in around 1:30pm.  She came over and checked me around 2:30 and I was 5cm.  I was hoping for a little more progress.  She wanted to break my water, but again I was hesitant.  She broke my water when I was 7cm last time and I still remember how bad it hurt.  Thankfully I transitioned quickly after that and delivered within a couple hours of my water breaking, but this time I was only 5 cm with weaker contractions that were more like every 3-6 minutes; I wasn't feeling all of them so I knew they couldn't be that strong.

For the next 3-4 hours I labored walking around the hospital and getting in and out of the tub.  My contractions were a little bit closer, but still not as strong as I would have expected.  Don't get me wrong- I was hurting; but more than anything I was tired- physically and emotionally tired.  Even if I were at home I would have been miserable trying to look after Phoebe and anticipating labor.  I decided she needed to break my water and we needed to get this show going.  Obviously my body wasn't taking over and moving forward on its own.  Again I kept thinking: it's not supposed to be like this.

Around 6 or 6:30 I was still only 6cm.  I was so discouraged because this labor was dragging on and on.  She broke my water.  I had light meconium so she put in an internal monitor to flush out some of it out.  The internal monitor also measures the exact pressure of the contractions; as suspected, they were very weak.  No wonder they weren't changing my cervix.  They were strong enough to hurt (especially being so tired and frustrated already) but not strong enough to effectively dilate my cervix.  Again it was discouraging to see how weak my contractions really were, but at this point they are really starting to hurt and I was not able to relax anymore.  I really did not want to have an epidural, and I thought I should be able to labor without one since I had the first time.  Your second labor is supposed to be easier/quicker than your first.  I kept thinking: it's not supposed to be like this.  But I knew at this point I needed pitocin or my contractions were never going to dilate my cervix and that I was going to need an epidural.  I was hurting so much (even with the wimpy contractions) all I wanted to do was sleep.  I hadn't slept in 36+ hours.  I labored for a couple more hours before getting the epidural at around 8:30.  I really hated getting the epidural, but I knew at that point it was the best option.  I also knew I really needed to sleep.  I was exhausted and at this point all I was thinking about was wanting to nurse her and needing some rest.

But again the epidural was not what I expected.  I wanted that blissful epidural where I would feel nothing and fall asleep- no such luck.  I hated the way the epidural made me feel!  It was awful!  I had that pins & needles feeling in my feet and legs like you feel when your foot falls asleep.  I hate that feeling and kept freaking out about it.  I couldn't relax or get comfortable not-to-mention sleep!  It's not supposed to be like this!!  I'm thankful for the epidural and have no regrets- I needed it and my contractions felt much better, but it was not what it was supposed to be.  They started pitocin around 8:45 (because I was still 6cm) and that is what I needed.  By around 10:20 or 10:30 I knew it was time to have a baby.  I waited for the doctor to get there and then pushed for 10 minutes and felt a lot more than I should have felt for having an epidural.  I kept thinking I'm not supposed to feel all this with an epidural- this epidural stinks!  All I wanted to do at that point was deliver so we could turn the stupid thing off!!

Well deliver I did.  At 10:44 pm (almost 24 hours after all this started but about 2 hours after they started the pitocin) Haddie Grace was born.  Phoebe was 6lbs 14oz full-term and I was expecting this baby to be bigger.  We were thinking around 8 lbs.  She was a whooping 9lbs 4oz!!!  What?!  I had no idea I was capable of carrying or delivering a 9+lb baby.  I knew my belly was bigger, but not that big!

We are thrilled and thank God for our little big blessing!  I have more to share, but this has gotten long so for now I will leave you with some pictures of our new bundle of joy.  We are enjoying loving on her, which is exactly how it is supposed to be :)

A huge thanks to Aubra for being "on-call" and picking up Phoebe from Mom's Morning Out, taking care of her Monday afternoon and getting Knox to the vet to board while we were at the hospital!  Don't know what we would do without you!!

It's a...

GIRL!!!!
Introducing Hadley Grace Bowen "Haddie Grace"
March 18th 10:44pm 9lbs 4oz (yikes!) 21 inches

Mom and baby are doing well.  More pictures and stories to come.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.

40+ Weeks and 19 Months

There has been some speculation as to whether I had the baby because my blog has been quiet for the past couple days.  Sadly, the answer to that is no.  I am still pregnant...  
For whatever reason I just had not felt like turning on my computer.  Not like I had anything else to do; I was just feeling lazy and anti-technology for a couple days.  It had been awhile since I had picked up a book and I started reading Divergent and the AAP New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding a  couple days ago.  Both have been entertaining me recently.  I had so many problems nursing Phoebe; I am a bit anxious about this one.  I have every intention of nursing and will pump again if I have to, but am really hoping this experience is completely different.

Honestly, not much as changed pregnancy-wise since my 39 week update.  At my 40 week appointment my cervix was still the same as it has been the past couple weeks.  That was a little discouraging.  I did cry on the way home from the doctor.  For some (now seemingly stupid) reason I really thought this baby was going to be early and had my hopes set high that it would come before my due date.  Last week each night that I went to bed still pregnant was a disappointment.  Now I am no longer anticipating labor on a daily basis.  I've come to terms with the fact that I am still pregnant and that's alright.  I REALLY do not want to be induced and it will probably come to that this week if nothing happens in the next few days.  That makes me anxious and a bit sad, but it is what it is.
I did notice my first stretch marks yesterday.  Yep, that was a bummer too.  If only this baby had come earlier they could have been avoided.
But on a happier note I'll give you a brief update on baby big girl, who is now 19 months old.  She's as spunky as ever.  The more necklaces and bibs she has around her neck the happier she is.  Honestly, I have no idea why she has developed this obsession with bibs, but she loves them and always wants to be wearing not one but about 4 at a time.
In other big news, the paci disappeared this month.  The pediatrician said it looked like her front teeth were starting to buck out a little bit (which he attributed to the paci) so it would probably be a good idea to make it go away.  She had only been using it at night-time and nap-time since she was about 5 months old, but I guess she was sucking on it enough at night to effect her teeth.  So that day after we got home from the doctor I took them all out of her bed and she's never had one since.  It was a much easier transition that I anticipated.  The first night she cried for about 20 minutes and the second night only a couple minutes.  The first two nights she didn't have a paci Chris and I also left her with a babysitter so I didn't have to listen to her cry :)  Ok, we didn't exactly plan it that way but we had sitters lined up for those two nights already.  Really, I think this responsible parenting idea.  Pawn your child off to someone else's care when you make big transitions like taking away a paci or moving her into a big girl bed.  (Yes, we also had a sitter her second night in her big girl bed...)  Now she has a blanket that has replaced her paci as her comfort at nap time and bed time.   She's still tiny of course and not eating well, but that is just the story of our lives.  She sleeps well and naps fairly well.
She LOVES cars.  Mater is her favorite!!  In fact the new baby has a Mater stuffed animal present to give to big sister whenever it arrives.  She always asks to watch "Mater" which is this 30 minute cartoon on Netflix called "Mater's Tall Tales."
We still haven't cut her hair, but I think we're going to need to do that soon.  It is getting a little unruly... Here's a few pictures from the past month-

  
Hope you're having a good Saturday.  We've had 70+ degree weather so have been spending most of the day outdoors and loving it!

39 Weeks & Impending Labor

So I'm going to have a baby very soon.  Hopefully within the next week or so.  I'm thinking early next week.  Why do I think that?  I have no idea.  I guess Phoebe was pretty much right on time so I'm guessing this baby will be as well.  And getting through the weekend pregnant would be convenient.  

I'm sorry.  I realize I have probably worn this outfit in multiple blog posts, but it was what I was wearing this morning to take my 39 week picture.  And quite honestly, I don't think I have anything "new" or "fresh" to wear anymore.

Aversions/Cravings-  I have been craving sweets and baked goods this week.
Movement-  ALL THE TIME.  Getting to be ridiculous and almost annoying.
Pregnancy Symptoms- The itching is SO much better!  I mentioned the shower filter we got here, that is supposed to filter the chlorine out of your water.  It has helped SO much!  Worth every penny.  Chlorine can do some pretty awful stuff to your skin.  Now my hands are the only thing that itch.  And you can literally see a line at my wrist where the back of my hands are red and irritated because I wash them so much and am washing so many dishes.  This pregnancy has made my skin a lot more sensitive.  If you have eczema or sensitive skin you should seriously look into the New Wave Enviro shower filter.
I got some new support hose things that are seriously amazing and have helped the pain with the varicose veins A LOT!
Contractions, contractions, contractions- all the time.  Just not painful enough or regular enough for labor.
Sleep- What sleep?  I can't sleep without medication.  Ambien is my friend, but I only have a few so I'm trying to ration it well.
Sex-  I give up trying to guess.  I can't wait to know for sure.
Weight Gain- 28 lbs.  They think this baby is going to be significantly bigger than Phoebe.  Yikes.
Randoms- I'm feeling much more prepared now.  After a little scare last week we have all our bags packed, cradle down, sheets washed, and infant carrier ready.  I boiled all the pump parts and a few bottles just in case.  I even washed a few of Phoebe's newborn outfits in case its a girl.  

I'm excited to have the baby, but the "problem" with having a baby is that you have go actually go through labor.  It doesn't come easily.  And for some reason I'm way more anxious about it this time than I was round one.  Is that weird?  I wasn't going in clueless the first time either.  You see I'm an labor and delivery nurse.  I see people birth babies ALL the time- both with an epidural and without.  I see the medical inductions of labor and I see the natural labor progress.  I knew what to expect.  I knew what it looked like and most likely what physical and emotional phases I would go through as a laboring mother.  I knew it would most likely take a long time.  And I knew I wanted to try to have an un-medicated birth.  Yes, I am one of those "crazies".  I think birth is a beautiful and natural process that should be embraced for what it is.  I didn't feel like I had something to prove.  I knew having a baby without an epidural wouldn't make me a better mother.  And I'm not one of those people who feels like I have to experience God's curse on Eve.  No.  Believe me I know we live in a fallen world and am reminded of that on a moment by moment basis- I don't need labor pains to remind me.  Yet, I do think birth as with any other event in life is an opportunity to glorify God.
And did you know that almost a third of all births in the US now are via cesarean section?  That is scary to me and I feel like we have caused that problem ourselves with our medical model of birth.  But that is a tangent I will not go off on right now.
Really I just feel like the more we try to intervene with any natural process the more complications we potentially create.  So I wanted as little intervention as possible.  Did you know there is such a thing as the nurse curse?  Yep, that's right.  Nurses are cursed to have everything go wrong in labor.  For example there were 3 other nurses I worked with that were due right around the same time as me.  Two ended up with unplanned cesarean sections and one had a post-partum hemorrhage.  Nurse curse.
I wanted to avoid the nurse curse.  I wasn't a crazy person with an eight page birth plan (if that is/was you I'm sorry I have probably judged you) I just wanted to see if I could do it.  And you know what?  I did.  You can read my birth story here.  It was truly amazing.  If I had gotten an epidural or needed to have a cesarean section, it would have been ok and I still would have left the hospital with a beautiful daughter.  But I will tell you that birthing Phoebe was by far the most empowering thing I have ever done and the accomplishment I felt cannot be described.  And I could not have done it with the grace of God and the support of my husband.
So all that to say, I felt no pressure with my first labor.  If I had a natural delivery great.  If I didn't- oh well.  But this time, because I have done it before, I feel like I should be able to do it again.  So I'm nervous.  What if I can't?  I know your second labor is typically "easier" or maybe quicker is a better term, but there are always exceptions to the rule.
I'm also nervous this time around because I have a 19 month old that we need to do something with when I go into labor.  (And the dog, but I'm not as concerned about him.)  We don't have family in town so it makes it a little bit trickier.  Our "first call" is out of town until tomorrow, so I will feel much better when she gets back to Atlanta.
Ok, that is enough rambling.  If you've stuck with me this far, thanks for reading :)

Birth Announcements

When Phoebe was born we were REALLY late getting out birth announcements.  I want to be a little more "on top" of my birth announcements with this baby.  So I've started looking and picking out some favorites.  As with Christmas cards, birthday invitations, shower invitations, and birth announcements there are lots of different companies to choose from.  Tiny Prints is one of my favorites!  Every year Chris and I pick out our top 5 Christmas cards that are hanging over our french doors, and without fail most of them are Tiny Prints!
One of the things I love about Tiny Prints designs are all the fun color options and the BACK of the cards.  The design on the back of the card really ties the whole card or announcement together.  Also, I don't claim to know a lot about different paper types, but I do know that the thick matte finish Tiny Prints uses on their cards is quality. It looks great on every card we've ever received.
So of course we don't know the sex of this baby, so I had to pick some of my favorite announcements for each gender- just in case.  Honestly, it was hard to narrow it down to just a few!  There are so many great options to choose from.
Here are some of my favorite designs for a girl birth announcement:

 front

back

I love the bright colored chevron pattern!!!

front

 back

Again, I must be ready for spring because I am loving all the colors!  I also like how all the birth stat information is formatted on the back of the card.

I love the tri-fold design because you have so many different options to include all your great newborn pictures!  What if you can't choose just one or two??

front

 back

If you didn't know already, I have a mild obsession with birds.  Love them!  So of course I loved the birds on this card.  I also love the postcard design!  Why?  Well of course the cheaper postage is a plus, but I also like that you can write a personalized message on the back.

Here are some of my favorite birth announcements for a baby boy:

front

back

I know this one is not as colorful, but I like it, anyways :)

front 

back

Love the yellow!  Enough said... 

front

back

First of all I think I need that pom-pom hat.  Second of all, I love the different shades of blue and multiple photo options on the front of the card.

front 

back



I really like the typewriter print on this one.
On each of their announcements you also have a choice to personalize the back.  If you don't want "just" the pattern you can customize the back with extra pictures or a personal message.  So many options!
So which are you favorites?  Help!  Out of these options, which would you choose for a baby girl or a baby boy?
Christmas has has come and gone, but if you are needing birth announcements, birthday or shower invitations you should check out Tiny Prints!! 

Overwhelmed

On Sunday, East Cobb Presbyterian Church threw us a little shower after church.  We had a pot-luck lunch (always a good meal...) and "get to know the Bowens" time.   It was fun.  We were excited to have the chance to fellowship but I really had no expectations of a shower at a new church. And we left with this....

Yeah.  I was so overwhelmed and surprised!  It was so sweet and so generous of them to come together to get us such a nice gift!  Really, I almost cried.  We had been wanting this jogging stroller and saving up to purchase it!  They also gave us a gift card that will more than cover the cost of the infant carrier adapter and handlebar console!!  This mama's gonna be running in style with her two babies :) And then of course there were many generous families that contributed individual gifts and gift cards.   We were really just planning on flying by the seat of our pants for this baby, but I am feeling much more prepared now. This weekend was a beautiful expression of the body of Christ coming together to love and support us as our family grows.  THANK YOU! Linking up with YOLO, Monday Mingling, and Weekend Shenanigans

fridays letters & March Goals

Dear Febuary,  I can't believe you are over ALREADY!  Those 2 extra days at the end of the rest of the months make a huge difference
Dear Chris, I'm glad you got home safely from South Carolina last night and I'm glad Baby Bowen didn't decide to make a scene while you were away.
Dear Baby Bowen, You gave me a bit of a "scare" earlier this week.  I was having uncomfortable contractions and wondering if I was going to meet you soon.  I got a bit nervous, you see, because we have no place to put you.  The car seat and cradle were still in the attic.  Those are down now and I have the car seat cover washed and put together.  The cradle sheets are washed, but we do still need to put the cradle together.  I even found some the newborn diapers.  We went ahead and packed a hospital bag too, so I'm feeling a little bit more prepared now.  That being said, as much as I am ready to not be pregnant anymore, your daddy and I would really appreciate you waiting another week.  There are just a few more things we would like to get done.  Thank you.
Dear Aubra, Thank you so much for watching Phoebe yesterday while I went to the doctor!  I can't tell you how amazing it was not to have to entertain a toddler in the waiting room for an hour and then try to keep her from touching everything in the exam room (yuck!).  And I even got to have a conversation with the doctor! (This normally doesn't happen because I have a screaming toddler by the time the doctor actually comes in to see me.
Dear Phoebe, Please stop coughing and feel better soon.
Dear Ambien, You were amazing last night.  It was the first full night of sleep I've had in awhile.  I only have a few of you so I will have to ration you out, but man oh man I feel good today :)
Dear new readers, You make me very happy!  Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you stay awhile.  I really do love all your comments.
Dear Meghan,
I realize that y'all are not doing this "go for the goal" link up anymore.  I promise I will make my own button/logo for next month.  But for now I am going to use yours again.  Thanks.



February Goals
1.  Complete 2011/2012 family photo book AND pre-kids photo book.   Done!  Well I did the 2011/2012 book with My Publisher! And it looks amazing!  We love it!! I was also really impressed with the company!  It was really easy to use (easier than Shutterfly) and in my opinion gave me a superior product.  I have a 50% off coupon that expires March 7th so I might try to finish the pre-kids book in the next week to use that, but we'll see.

2.  I want to try for another DIY project.   I'm thinking liquid hand soap to fill up my mason jar soap dispensers I did it!

3. Get a pregnancy massage Chris gave me a gift certificate groupon/living social deal for a massage for Christmas.  I think it is getting time to redeem that :) I have it scheduled for Saturday, March 9th.  So again, Baby Bowen I need one more week.  I wanted to schedule it on a Saturday so Chris could watch Phoebe and this was the first Saturday that he was in town and I wasn't working!
4. Exercise- walk, walk, walk!   I'm certainly past the point of hard-sweat exercising, but I really do need to get outside and walk or get on the treadmill at the gym and walk at least three times/week. I did well with this goal for the first two weeks and then I had no more extra energy.  I started having trouble sleeping and walking sounded awful.  And then this past week I started contracting more, so I'm trying to take it easy now.
5. Slow down and enjoy more "down-time"! I would say we kinda failed here...  Whoops.  We maybe slowed down a little bit, but because I'm not sleeping as well I'm just exhausted all the time!

March Goals (all pre-baby goals.  I have no goals post-baby)
1. Wash and vacuum cars and vacuum out all the cheerio and cracker crumbs from the car seats.
2. Re-sew the Velcro tabs to my size small cloth diapers for the new baby to use (The cloth diapers I recommend are the bumGenius 4.0 One Size with snaps.  We do have a few size smalls of of the Velcro 3.0s and those are the ones I need to replace)
3.  File taxes
4. Get new tires for my car


Have a great weekend!!